My New Cat

I’m half machine. I’m a monster. Across from where? What’s Spanish for “I know you speak English?” There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. I hear the jury’s still out on science. I don’t criticize you! And if you’re worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.Read Now

My wedding

It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Bender, hurry! This fuel’s expensive! Also, we’re dying! For the last time, I don’t like lilacs! Your ‘first’ wife was the one who liked lilacs! Perhaps, but perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you! Who am I making this out to? We’re rescuing ya. Why did you bring us here? I daresayRead Now

Coffee Time

I saw you with those two “ladies of the evening” at Elzars. Explain that. I’ll tell them you went down prying the wedding ring off his cold, dead finger. Kif, I have mated with a woman. Inform the men. With a warning label this big, you know they gotta be fun! Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trialRead Now

My Cat

I’m afraid I just blue myself. That’s what it said on ‘Ask Jeeves.’ First place chick is hot, but has an attitude, doesn’t date magicians. It’s called ‘taking advantage.’ It’s what gets you ahead in life. Guy’s a pro. Whoa, this guy’s straight? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. I’m afraid I just blue myself. Now, when you doRead Now